Walking On Water

Shri Ramakrishna used to tell a story about a man who wanted to cross the ocean from Sri Lanka to India. He sought the help of Vibhishana, king of Shri Lanka, who wrote Lord Rama’s name on a leaf, tied it in a corner of the man’s dhoti and said, “With this, you will cross safely. You will be able to walk on the water. But be sure not to look at it, for the moment you do, you will drown.”
To the man’s amusement, he discovered that he could indeed walk on water, and he headed for India. Understandable, he grew more and more curious about how he was performing his feat. Finally, about halfway across, he couldn’t resist any longer and peeked at his clothes. He tore the leaf from his dhoti and exclaimed, “What is this? It is only a leaf with the name of Ram written on it!” Instantly he sank beneath the waves.
Again and again I find myself in the shoes of this man walking on the water just to give in to my dreadful doubts. The hardest aspect of spirituality for me is faith. Doesn’t matter how amazing my experiences are, how miraculous the results of my healing, how many times I peek through the veil of maya, how powerful the effect of my sadhana or daily spiritual practice is, there is always come that dreadful moment of doubt. How is it working, how can these mantras, shapes, symbols possibly work? The atheistic way I was brought up, where the science was the only religion, doesn’t help either.
So what do I do? I just keep going. I think, I question, I doubt and I walk on water anyway.

The Greatest Guru

Agastya was a Vedic Siddhar or sage and is considered the first and foremost Siddha, or greatest sage who ever lived.
He "authored" many mantras of the Rig Veda, the earliest and most revered Hindu scripture. The mantras were revealed in his mind by the Supreme Brahman.
Although Agastya was the greatest sage, he felt that his realization was incomplete. He wanted to be initiated in Sri Vida, the supreme knowledge of Goddess. He knew of a master of this tradition in a far away land and set out on his journey to find him. After several months of arduous traveling on his feet, he reached this man only to be told that he cannot be initiated. The master explained that since Agastya was more advanced then himself, the only person that can initiate him is the master’s guru. Agastya was happy to learn of a powerful guru and asked where he could find him. But when the master told him of the province, he was amazed. That was his province! He was ashamed to learn that such a great guru lived next to him and he never knew about him. But when the master told him of a village where the great guru lives, Agastya exclaimed: “But that is my village!” He was even more embarrassed. And then the master described him the house where the great guru lived. “But that is my house!” Finally, the master told him the name of the great guru, the fully realized, supreme master Lopamudra. “But that’s my wife!” Agastya cried.



Linda Johnsen, 1994,"Daugthers of the Goddess: the Women Saints of India", St. Paul, Yes, International Publishers.

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Goddess In Every Dropplet of Rain

Nine-day Navratri celebration began on September 19. During this period, Durga, Lakshmi and Saraswati are worshipped as three different manifestations of Shakti, or cosmic energy. Being a student of Goddess, I wanted to join in for celebration, to learn more about it. So I made plans to attend Durga Puja at Hindu Temple this Saturday night.
Sitting on my backyard earlier this afternoon, I watch rain fall.
The droplets of rain are dancing on the asphalt, creating bubbles in a perfect hypnotic pattern, spider web is light up by the tiny drops of rain, grayish sky, like a soft comforting blanket enveloping my view of the world, light breeze caressing my face. Inside, there are no desires. I feel so empty or is it full? Perfect peace and content. Everything I need or will ever need is right here.The Goddess is all around in every droplet of rain, in every tiny sparkle of light shining through the spider web, in tenderness of breeze, in emptiness or fullness inside that is not inside anymore, for I am transparent. The peacefulness and content saturates all around, only there is no more around or inside, I am, or Goddess is right here, right now, no need for temple, or ritual, or knowledge, or anything, just no need. Pure being… I am so overwhelmed with love that tears come, or is it rain? Or maybe rain is the tears of the Goddess overwhelmed with love?



These amazing photographs were taken by my friend, Jón Ágúst Guðjónsson. Thank you Jon, for teaching me to look!



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Every Woman Is a Goddess

I love my yoga practice! I love the bliss that washes over me during meditation, the practical wisdom of yogic philosophy, feeling the heat and other amazing sensations within my body during asana practice, not to mention sensual vibrations of the rising prana! My guru is the famous Yogi Amrit Desai. His esoteric, mystical lineage, going back through Swami Kripalvanandji to Lord Shiva himself, is carried by male teachers, none of whom ever had a menstruation! In addition, all the ancient yogic texts that I know of were written by males. Hmmm… What do they know about my female body, my psyche, my emotions, or my lunar cycles? Why is there such a domination of male gurus in yoga? These were the thoughts running through my head tortured by debilitating menstrual headache that made me skip the Saturday morning yoga class and Amrit Dasai’s satsang which I was so looking forward to attending. When finally, the headache was gone, the questions remained.
Few days later, after an amazing ashtanga yoga class at Adi Shakti Yoga, led by Tara Rawson, while in a deep state of relaxation during yoga nidra with no thoughts in my head, I saw an ancient yogi guru staring at me with kindness in my mind’s eye. Being the practical, selfish, and earthly creature that I am, I immediately tried to ask him for help and turn it into some kind of profit for myself. With all the strength I could gather, I collected the slow thoughts around in my brain, and did ask my ancient yogi guru for something, only to forget at once most of my own requests except one. I wanted him to help me meet a Goddess. After all, she appeared to Yogananda as well as to other saints.

Indian sage, Jnanadev, wrote:

In unity there is little to behold;
So She, the mother of abundance,
Brought forth the world as play.
He takes the role of Witness
Out of love of watching Her.

Yes, yes! I know that to be true! One night, as I was watching the lake lightened by the stars, the stars dancing in the waves, I dissolved and became that beauty, so blissful. I was Shakti and I was witnessing my own beauty. I was Shiva and Shakti! Energy and Witness.

Later that day, the adorable, kind looking old guru did come through for me as I was listening to the internet radio program from one of my favorite yoga teachers, Zaporozhtsev. He explained that females are much more powerful in yoga and that yoga was created by females and for females, yet, most of gurus are males and most of scriptures were written by males. He said that the male would do anything in his power to awaken the goddess within every female for in return, through her love, she could pull him out of any bad karma.
And then I came across another Jnanadev’s poem:

This absolute Knowledge is like
The intrinsic fullness of the moon,
Which is unaffected
By its apparent waxing and waning.
Likewise, that which is Consciousness Itself
Does not possess the quality of being conscious,
And is, therefore, not conscious of Itself.

I, female, could not meet the Goddess, or know the Goddess. I am the Goddess. As the Goddess, I AM every nanosecond of my existence in this form. A male, the witness, can perceive me, write about me, or teach about me. Without him, would I know myself? Every woman is a pure existence, the Goddess, regardless of her own realization of her nature or lack of it.

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